Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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