just tell him i said nine months
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
