I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
