just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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