did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
