My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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