Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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