Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
