Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How's work?
Spinning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
