two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Found the puke drawer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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