I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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