I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My breasts were aching with rage.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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