We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
