i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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