walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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