He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
