I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
