How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
