woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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