I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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