i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
