We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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