All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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