Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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