I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
