I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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