There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
