i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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