everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
