you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
