im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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