The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
