You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
