Man, jail baloney is awful.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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