Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
