Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
