I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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