I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
