I accidentally had phone sex last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
