i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize