is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
