Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im holly from the hills drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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