tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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