Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
