Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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