you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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