he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize