all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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