you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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