I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
