it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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