i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
