put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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