I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
