after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
