The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
