if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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