I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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