Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
