I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
