I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
