if i died would you start the facebook group?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
