its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
