so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
