I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you still have your period?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
