Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
