I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
