I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
