i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
