I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
