My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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